Back With A Vengeance

Don’t feel bad. You’re not the only one to come up to me this week and ask why they didn’t see my blog last week. (The mere fact that I gained .2 pounds the week before while dieting had nothing to do with it.) In fact my absence was all I heard from my loyal followers for the last week and a half. More to the point, with Congressmen apologizing to BP, tea partiers holding ugly conventions all over the country, stupid Generals getting fired, Russian spies, chubby Supreme Court nominees and potential leaders such as Sarah Palin being off by more than 2,000 miles in talking about where Ronald Regan went to college, one would think that there is enough troubling things in this country without my minions worrying about my blog, but I guess, other than my diet successes everything else was too depressing to concentrate on. . So cheer up, I lost 2.4 pounds last week by taking a truly unorthodox approach – diet and exercise. What an incredible idea! And more importantly what truly good news in a sea of misery. I think I might just write a book about it.

Another Week, Another Pound

Sometimes there is just nothing funny to say but when you lose weight who cares? Another week another pound. If I can keep this up for just a year my good friend Jeff will finally have to stop referring to me as John Goodman. I was about to say that that would wipe the smile off of his face, but anyone who knows Jeff knows that he hasn’t smiled since Rose let Jack fade away in the Titanic. In addition to the sinking of a great ocean liner that movie had a second happy ending for Jeff though when Rose, as an old lady, threw away Jack’s diamond ring instead of giving it to her granddaughter is who cared for her for so many years. But enough of my “Happy Days” friend.

And as for my own weight losing theory, it seems to be working. You can eat during the weekend and diet and exercise during the week and still lose weight. Cajin food on Saturday at “Bourbon Street” and Italian Food at "Daniellas" on Sunday both in Manhattan and I still lost a pound. My big test was Wednesday when a Long Island Dealership brought in Zorn’s for the entire office. Imagine Spare Ribs, Fried Chicken, Mashed Potatoes with Gravy and other awesome food and I all I had was the steamed broccoli. To me that is such torture that Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly will probably be advocating it to replace water boarding for our enemies as soon as they read my blog. Is that Will Power or what? No wonder my mother named me Will(ie). And just like Barrack Obama’s mother knew that one day he would grow up to be President causing her to get a phony Hawaiian birth certificate for him, my mother knew that one day I would grow up to have unprecedented will power inducing her to name me appropriately. I just don't understand why she gave me the middle name of "Harold" instead of "Power". But, on the bright side, at least she didn't name me Jeff.

See I told you I had nothing funny to say, but then losing a pound is better than being funny, at least for this week.

Two Stars Three Pickles and Ten Pounds

So much for last week’s blog which was posted this week. Another week and another two pounds and this was only a four day week since I stuffed myself on Memorial Day. And how did I do it, you may ask (and I know that is exactly what you are all asking)? Foul - Jim and of course Pickles. Turkey and Chicken for lunch and supper, exercise at 5 AM each morning and my favorite diminishing returns green food at night. And just for the record, I do know how to spell “fowl” and “gym” but I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. And to set the record even more straight, there is no way I would get up 5 AM any morning to see anyone named Jim. I am in a committed relationship with Meryl and besides I don’t even like the name Jim, although if I did there is still no way I would be sweating with him at 5 AM or anytime for that matter. That is not to say that there would be anything wrong with that if that were my proclivity. So sorry Puphal and sorry to all those scandalous insiders who don’t recognize a confident secure densely challenged man when they see one.

Well enough of being silly. Since I started this blog I lost ten pounds and today I got my second Gold Star from Weightwatchers. Soon I will be signing autographs. Lastly Happy Birthday to my sister Blanche, who, along with my mother and father, has always been thin. Where did I go wrong?

Pickles- Part II

One of the problems of getting old besides the obvious one is that you forget things that to you seemed so important that you could not possibly conceive of ever forgetting them and that’s what happened to me with the issue of Pickles. I lost two pounds eating three pickles a night after dinner last week, with the first tasting really good, the second okay and the third just passable enough to stop eating more. I then brilliantly developed an entire routine involving pickles since bringing humor to my loyal silent followers is of paramount importance to me. But I can’t remember one thing I thought about even thought it was hilarious (I think). I then figured that since I teased everyone last week about pickles maybe I could get some good ideas on that topic from Wikipedia. But can you believe that after identifying pickles as a food, there is no more information about it. They got entries about everything in this world at Wikipedia including pot holes in Dix Hills but nothing on Pickles. As a result if you go to Wikipedia in the next few days and you see some entries there about pickles and appetite suppressors, thanks to my blog you will know the author. How depressing will that be?

One more thing about being old which has nothing to do with food (other than the after-effects) is why do young people (BB in particular) refer to us as Old Farts as in “you are an old fart anyway so why do you have to lose weight”? Where does the fart part come in? If someone just turned 21 do you refer to them as a young fart? And if you did, is being a young one less odious than an old one? Does it make you want to go out to give them a can of beans and then hang out with them after they have eaten? I don’t get the reference and until I do get it I will continue to use all my calorie burning energy in search of the answer to that most of all important question.