Last night I ate at a Diner which naturally brought on a flashback of the first time I ever had sex, a mere 45 years ago. I am sure it will surprise my avid followers to learn that when I was a kid I was not nearly as handsome and attractive as I am now and I am sure it will equally surprise you to learn that I might have been the last kid my age in all of Brooklyn in the mid sixties who had not yet had sex. Needless to say the anxiety and anticipation leading up to even the possibility of such an occurrence was incredible. Well (as the song goes) one fine day the opportunity arose with a friend of mine and it actually (okay briefly) happened. And afterward when I uttered my first and only lie with no clothes on (which was of course - Was it as good for you as it was for me?) I remember saying to myself – this was not that good at all. (I have a feeling my 15 second partner felt the same way). But later that night I remember also saying to myself, “I did it” and the morning after was one of my great moments of all time since what I did was still sinking in. Well flashing forward 45 years later I had the same feeling last night as well as this morning.
It all started out with Meryl calling telling me she wanted to go out to a Diner on Friday Night. Can you imagine asking me to eat out on the night before a weigh in know that the only bill power I ever display is at work? I should have told her no but since one of main reasons that I have been so successful with women during my life was my unending desire to accommodate them in any way possible, I said yes causing me to dread the upcoming ride to the diner. The anxiety was palatable. I knew that just the smell of all those cheeseburgers around me was going to drive me crazy at the very least and cause me to fail in all liklihood. I started doubting my manhood as I didn’t think I could do it. It was so bad that I had to ask for tips from the Kevster (a name that only I and someone who he once fired named Margo uses) on what to eat and since he is a guy that knows something about everything he gave me a number of great ideas. Needless to say the menu didn’t have any of those recommendations (something he probably knew in advance. Instead the menu did have the dreaded words “ Diet Delights” At any rate I ended up eating grilled chicken, steamed broccoli and a diet soda. It was just like 45 years ago, just as unsatisfying (even if it was longer in duration) but when I left the diner it hit me. I did it!!!! And this morning when I woke up the first thing that came to my mind was exactly what I thought about back then, I really did it!! And when you think about it, isn’t doing it all that ever counts?
What about the weigh in you ask? Well you are going to have to stay tuned until tomorrow as I only do one post a day, least I start getting obsessive over this.
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