This past eight days has been a learning experience for me. It started with last Saturday when I learned I was the heaviest I have even been in my life and trust me for a guy with big feet that's no small feat. I then learned that no one, and I mean no one, believes me when I say that this time I am staying on my diet for good. When we found out that there were no weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq 20% of the population still believed President Bush. When virtually every accredited scientist attested to the fact that there is a huge problem with global warming 25% of the population did not believe them. (If you only count Republicans the figure is substantially higher) and when President Clinton said that he did not have sexual relations with Miss Lewinsky even Hillary seemed to believe him, but me, honest as the day is long Bill Kain, no one believes. But of all the things I learned this week, the one that stands out in my mind is the new meaning of friendship. Starting with my good "stoop shouldered" friend Jeff who pointed out that I now have jowls on my jowls, to my great friend AV who referred to me affectionately as a "fat f...." nine times this week (breaking her previous record by two FFs) to Sue who rolled her eyes into her head upon hearing about my diet down to my third world country like emaciated friend Vinny who rolled his eyes in to Sue's eyes they all poo-pooed my latest effort. Only Meryl stood by me (although probably not as close as she would have liked to stand). Yep I learned that a synonym for friendship is ridicule and I can't wait to add that definition to Wikipedia so that everyone can learn it.
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